just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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