i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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