fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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