Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
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I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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