u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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