I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
