Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
