He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
