i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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