If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
