Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
