remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
