I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
