Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
