Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
