I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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