My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's get the cat blown out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
