i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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