My hand turned me down
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
