9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
