Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
