I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
