I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
