I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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