Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
