I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He? As in you personified your dick?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
