Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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