So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm bleeding and have questions
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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