we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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