im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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