its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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