Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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