Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
