All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
