is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
