We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
