you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
