How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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