I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
