I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
