11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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