Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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