So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
