Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
