I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
