there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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