I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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