i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
