I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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