i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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