he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
