she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
