I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
