glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
