in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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