I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
