you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
