I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
