he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
