I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish you could order shots online.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
