the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I believe in your delicious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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