i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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