no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
