does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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