You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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